when i lost angel i knew straight away i wanted a baby after her and i would keep on trying. so after 3month i was pregnant with my rainbow baby i was so scared and happy at the same time. i knew i was going to have a c-section this time and on the 29 Sept 09 my son was born.
i was so happy now i am a mummy that can push her baby around and show him off.
2yr has past and i am thinking about having another baby but this time i am not to should. i got my baby who is a live.
Now is this just me being greedy?
shouldn't i be happy that i got one baby a live??
I didn't second think it about having another one after losing angel, i wanted a baby and nothing else. but now i am scared, all i want is another baby but i don't want to lose another baby.
9month of fear but the best present at then end. (if i am one of the lucky people)
i try and talk to people who have not lost a baby and they don't understand they think it the same feeling that everyone as but i know what it is like to lose a baby, i know the pain...
maybe i am being silly but i tell myself fine don't have anymore babies and my heart brakes, so i do want more.
what if i start trying and i find i cant have anymore??
what if i get pregnant then lose the baby ??
what if i go full term like with angel then the baby is still born??
what if i go full term then i get the baby ?? i can answer that one, i would be over the moon :)
i do know i want another baby because i get very upset when i tell myself i will not try..
maybe i just try, if happens, it happens and if it don't happen i still got my lovely son who make we smile every day ...
