Thinking about another baby after the rainbow baby????

when i lost angel i knew straight away i wanted a baby after her and i would keep on trying. so after 3month i was pregnant with my rainbow baby i was so scared and happy at the same time. i knew i was going to have a c-section this time and on the 29 Sept 09 my son was born.
i was so happy now i am a mummy that can push her baby around and show him off.
2yr has past and i am thinking about having another baby but this time i am not to should. i got my baby who is a live.

Now is this just me being greedy?
shouldn't i be happy that i got one baby a live??

I didn't second think it about having another one after losing angel, i wanted a baby and nothing else. but now i am scared, all i want is another baby but i don't want to lose another baby.

9month of fear but the best present at then end. (if i am one of the lucky people)

i try and talk to people who have not lost a baby and they don't understand they think it the same feeling that everyone as but i know what it is like to lose a baby, i know the pain...

maybe i am being silly but i tell myself fine don't have anymore babies and my heart brakes, so i do want more.

what if i start trying and i find i cant have anymore??
what if i get pregnant then lose the baby ??
what if i go full term like with angel then the baby is still born??
what if i go full term then i get the baby ?? i can answer that one, i would be over the moon :)

i do know i want another baby because i get very upset when i tell myself i will not try..
maybe i just try, if happens, it happens and if it don't happen i still got my lovely son who make we smile every day ...

Things children say...

I love how children say what they think and at that time, that's what i wanted. i hated people saying things to make me better, it didn't work... My nephews have never see me sad, i have always play with them like one of their friends..
These  are some of the things my nephews said to me...

My little nephew(aged6yrs) said "how do they know she died.."
i said "they couldn't hear her heart beat"
then he said "well the bear can be your baby now"

My other nephew (age10) said "you would make a well good mum"
i said "thank you :)"

When i was pregnant with my son after i lost angel.
My other nephew (aged8) said "i hope this baby don't die"
i love him for saying that because i was thinking it and so was everyone but nobody wanted to say it.
i replied "me to mate"

Children understand more then what we think and i know that my nephews didnt want to hurt me with what they said but wanted to make me better and the only way they knew was to speak from the heart..

Angel 04-09-08



I am starting this blog now about how I lost my baby Angel because it has been 3 years and  I want to talk about my feelings and what people say to me. The one big reason I am doing this blog is to remind myself that she was here and i didn’t make her up xxxxxx
  I would love you to click on the link  How I Lost My Baby Angel   and have a read, thank you
I will be posting more blogs talking about:

• Not wanting to believe she is gone
• Finding out there was nothing wrong with her
• Funeral (my feelings)
• Words people say to make you happy but they just don't
• Having a baby after Angel
• Lots more

Love you and miss you Angel xxxx